Follow Our 2013 Holiday Comic!Posted on: Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Here is a fun and archival way to follow the story of our 2013 Holiday Sale!
While all the other penguins were busy getting ready for the holiday sale, Ensign Bubbles inspected a suspicious box labeled "Ornaments." Sergeant Blaze over in Receiving had found it and wasn't sure where it had come from. Not even Santa Kleckner knew what was inside! But Ensign Bubbles was a curious little penguin...
You know what happens when you tell a penguin never to open a present, especially this time of year! Ensign Bubbles didn't know what this mysterious button did, but he knew he had to find out.
"NOOOOOO," Ensign Bubbles cried as the time vortex sucked up his penguin friends and all the presents! "Come back, Sergeant Blaze over in Receiving! Come back!"
Thinking quickly, Ensign Bubbles knew just what to do. "I've gotta tell Lieutenant Lucky," the young penguin told himself.
After the Ensign made his report, Lieutenant Lucky told his superior Major Slide, who told her superior, starting a chain of reports that, after several hours, finally reached Santa Kleckner himself.
"It looks like it's up to me to deal with this," Santa Kleckner concluded. "Thanks for bringing this to my attention, Eric."
Eric nodded and left the office.
Donning his indestructible Bag of Infinite Storage Space and his Savings Detector, Santa Kleckner prepared to jump into the vortex and save the holidays!
"Good luck, Dark Lord Kleckner," Ensign Bubbles said, nervously.
"It's December, Ensign," Santa Kleckner replied. "When it's December, call me Santa Kleckner."
"Right. Sorry, Sir!"
"It's time to save the holiday sale," Santa Kleckner said, his goatee glowing in heroic majesty. Slowly but surely, he stepped closer to the vortex...
...Of course, Santa Kleckner had no idea what he was dealing with, and soon found himself sucked up into the vortex. Not even his +1 Goatee of Brilliance could withstand the forces pulling him into another place... and another time...
"OW," exclaimed Santa Kleckner as he landed in the middle of the field. His Savings Detector was going crazy, and when he looked over at the nest of large eggs, he saw why. A present of holiday savings was sitting in with the eggs!
"That's one down, a dozen to go," Santa Kleckner said, awesomely, as he picked up the pretty box, unaware of the terror lurking behind him...
Santa Kleckner promptly became aware of the terror lurking behind him.
Fortunately, the special holiday savings gift triggered the Savings Detector to throw Santa Kleckner into another time and away from the reptilian monstrosity.
Unfortunately, the Savings Detector brought Santa Kleckner onto the deck of a Viking ship!
"You had better explain yourself, Goateed and Bespectacled One," the Viking Captain said, doing his best Arnold Schwarzenegger impression that, while at least passable, still wasn't very good. "Are you the one who placed the strange box on my ship?!"
Santa Kleckner decided it would be best to just take the next present and move on, as his savings senses were tingling again. "Goodbye, Maybe Leif Ericson," he shouted at the menacing Viking, hoping the next present would be someplace dry.
"Well, at least it's someplace dry," Santa Kleckner said as he climbed the blazing hot pyramid. "Whoever built this clearly intended for treasure to be inside the pyramid."
After much toil, strife, and probably sweat, Santa Kleckner finally reached the next present. Given how much harder this climb could've been, Santa Kleckner was glad he was not a penguin. Suddenly, the time vortex activated again and propelled Santa Kleckner once again through time to a tiny piece of land surrounded by water.
Taking a deep breath, Santa Kleckner dove into the freezing water, immediately regretting that he was not a penguin. Swimming deep down to the ocean floor, he spotted the largest oyster he had ever seen, holding a pearl of a present - the next day's worth of holiday savings!
Carefully making sure not to upset the giant oyster, Santa Kleckner put the gift back into his Bag of Infinite Storage Space and started to swim back up, running out of breath. Just as he was about to drown, he felt the Savings Detector pulling him through time and to the next present.
"Hi ho, now it's a Western," Santa Kleckner said as he searched through the chaotic saloon. "I've gotta find the next day's worth of savings before one of these cowboys inevitably learns someone's cheating at poker!"
Unfortunately, all that the nearby buckaroo heard was "Someone's cheating at poker," and with that, the crowded saloon broke out into a full-on bar brawl. US Marshall Gunn Smoke could even hear the commotion from outside, and when he saw a strange man in a green coat with the most amazing goatee he had ever seen, Gunn Smoke knew it was time to start a blastin'.
If Santa Kleckner had been wearing a ten-gallon hat, it would've been shot off in the crossfire, but as it happened, he wasn't. So before you could say "This story is getting kind of ridiculous," Santa Kleckner was once again pulled through time to the next present unscathed!
"I'm just going to pretend this is the Fortress of Solitude," Santa Kleckner told himself as he wandered through the icy cavern for the next day's worth of holiday savings. "At least nobody's trying to kill me this time."
"Oh come on!" shouted Santa Kleckner as he found himself standing in front of somebody trying to kill him. "Okay, Mister Samurai, I know this will sound strange, but in a few centuries, I'm going to help spread Japanese stories to the world! Plus we have hats!"
"Hmm," the katana-wielding warrior pondered aloud. "There is no honor in killing someone with such a magnificent goatee. You may go. Just make sure you license Revolutionary Girl Utena. That's my favorite show!"
"Thank you, samurai," Santa Kleckner said, bowing with respect, not about to question how this man knew about an anime series that hadn't been made yet. "I'll even make a special holiday bundle for it this year."
Santa Kleckner struggled to keep his balance about the rickety train as he tried to reach the last missing present of holiday savings. "This looked so easy on Baccano!," he said to himself as the wind rushed through what may be considered the greatest goatee in human history.
But thankfully, Santa Kleckner's Savings-Sensing Spectacles kept him on track as he finally grabbed the last present. "Now to get back and stop this from ever happening!"
Ensign Bubbles was disappointed when Santa Kleckner appeared out of nowhere and slapped the remote control out of his flippers.
"Sorry about that," Santa Kleckner said, putting his hand on Bubbles' slippery shoulder. "Trust me, I've had to evade a dinosaur, climb pyramids, swim through oceans, negotiate with a samurai, balance on a train, and there was also a cowboy somewhere in there. As long as that remote control's broken, Right Stuf's holiday sales are safe, and my day won't get any weirder."
"Think again, Santa Kleckner," a familiar voice said, and Santa Kleckner turned to see... Dark Lord Kleckner!
"The Dark Lord?" Santa Kleckner asked, bewildered. "But it's December!"
"Hey, I'm not the one who messed with time," The Dark Lord replied. "This is your fault! Plus, my goatee is better!"
"Um, Dark Santa Lord Kleckner?" Ensign Bubbles piped up. "I think the important thing here is that the holiday sale is safe now."
"That's true," concurred Sergeant Blaze over in Receiving. "Once the holidays are over, Santa Kleckner will go back to his vacation in Space Fiji, and the Dark Lord will take over Right Stuf once again."
"You're right, Penguins," the two Kleckners said together. "Prepare the store for savings!"
And so Santa Kleckner and Dark Lord Kleckner shook hands, and together, they made sure Right Stuf customers had plenty of savings this holiday season.
The End. Or is it....
80's Shawne meets present-day Shawne!
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